Not having any kids. Are you going to be lonely?

in life •  3 months ago 

I don't have any children and at this point in my life it seems unlikely that this is going to change. I don't feel bad about this because most of the time I live my life as if I were a kid. I can't imagine being responsible for taking care of an actual one since I seem to be barely capable of taking care of me. I've known people that thought like me that totally turned their life around and became super responsible after they had a child and that is great. However, I know of lots of situations where that didn't happen, and it is bad for both the parents and the child.

I'm not saying that one situation is better than the other but the other day I saw a post where someone was saying that without children, you are going to be very lonely in the future and I thought it was kind of ominous.


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This is likely the closest I am going to get to being a father

I can see the benefit in being a parent and I know a few people that took to it like a fish to water. However, and this is sad to say, most of the people I know from high-school or college that had kids are no longer with the other parent and it has been a tough road for them and I would imagine the child.

I can think of two situations in particular and one of them is a lot more tragic than the other. One really good friend of mine from college had a baby with someone that he was very much in love with at the time and then something happened and everything went sour. This was around 8 years ago or so and I' m sure I don't have the full story because I have only heard my friend's side of it. What I do know is that the court case about custody is still going on today, 7 years later. Both he and the mother have been locked up in a custody battle in New York that still isn't resolved. The way I look at it, there is no winner in this situation other than the lawyers who are bleeding both of them dry. At this pace, the child is going to be 18 before custody is determined and at that point it won't friggin matter anymore.

There are a bunch of my friends that have children that the courts decided who they were going to live with and several of my other friends have multiple children with a partner that they had a huge falling out with and it got really ugly between them. In fact, of all the hundreds of people that i went to school with that I still keep in touch with, there are only 3 people that I know of that have a child or children and are still in a relationship with the other parent. The rest are split up and sometimes it was a really ugly legal situation that cost everyone a ton of money.

This isn't the reason why I never became a parent though. You see, I moved to a foreign country in my late 20's and have been over thereabouts for coming up on 20 years. I have always lived in bachelor pads and the notion of becoming a parent wasn't something that ever occurred to me. I've had plenty of girlfriends and even got engaged once (it fell apart) but at no point in time was there even talk of having babies. I guess it is just not something that I ever really wanted.


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This does a good job of summing up the arrogant way that I look at my situation but it is also true. When I see friends that have kids, the kids basically dictate every aspect of their lives and they can't go and do anything unless they come along as well. Since I like to go to bars and stuff like that, it wouldn't be cool to put a kid in that situation. it might be illegal depending on where you live.

Now let's get back to the original reason why I felt compelled to write this: Are you (am I) going to be lonely later in life because of the fact that I don't have any offspring? Well, I think there would definitely be some benefits to having children when I get old enough that I can no longer do stuff for myself but at least for now that time seems so far away that I don't really think about it. There is also the benefit of if I am smart about it, I can save enough money by not having children that when that time comes, I should have enough money to be able to afford professional caregivers to look after me. Whatever! I don't like to think of not being able to move and pooping my pants but I guess it does happen to a lot of us if we are lucky to make it that far.

I also think about how much time me and my siblings actually spend with our parents. We are all spread out all around the world - including my parents - so I think all of us go and see them a couple of times a year. Covid resulted in me not visiting my parents for 3 years now and nobody is all that fussed about it.

I'm also a relatively extroverted and outgoing person so it is difficult for me to imagine being in a situation where I am lonely. If anything I just worry about being dogless since my dog Nadi, is quickly approaching her twilight years.


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I don't think I will regret not having kids and I think a lot of people these days are making the same choice in their life since life in general, even without children, is crazily expensive already. I suppose I can see the social benefit of it but it also kind of depends on what kind of person you happen to be. I am a social person sure, but I'm not going to end up depressed if I am not surrounded by family and friends. Plus there is always the case of a person being able to change their social situation by simply getting out there and making some friends. Maybe I see the world though rose-tinted glasses because I have lived most of my adult life outside of the United States but for me, I don't think I am going to be depressed or lonely just because I didn't have any kids.

What do you think about this situation?

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