Dairy of a Struggling Mother.

in hive-188403 •  4 months ago 

I woke up this morning thankful to God for a new day, my daughter woke up before me so she was the one that woke me up, it was almost 6 o'clock and we need to prepare for school. I was a bit reluctant to stand up but I was really feeling pressed and I need to use the toilet before I poo on myself. I make my way to the toilet and poo. My daughter kept herself busy with other things in the room. My husband travelled, so it's just me and some visitors around. One of our guest needs to go back to the east today, I remember that and had to hurry up from the toilet so I can get him breakfast before he set out. By the time I got to the sitting room, he was out from his room and almost ready, he didn't want breakfast as he was going on a long trip. He said his goodbyes and promised to come back, I loved having him around, he's really good and funny person. I went to the kitchen to wash the dishes and prepare my daughter's breakfast. It was a tug of war to get her to eat this morning. All of a sudden I got weak and was about to screen at the top of my voice.

Controlling my emotions was getting difficult day by day but I won't let it get the best of me. I watched my parents do that and I promised to be better but it's easier said than done. I reaffirm myself once more I won't loose my emotions, she's just a child and doesn't even know what she's doing, correct her with love. I didn't scream or anything but I was shouting and screaming inside of me but I won't show it to my daughter, it's not easy but I will do better from now on. It's took almost an hour to feed her and we running late for school already. Thank God my sister in law came to my rescue and she bathed her and I was able to prepare her lunch. At this point I felt I had no strength in me, as its morning and I'm always energetic in the morning. I struggle to do everything so we won't go late to school but we still got to school late.

We were about 30 minutes late to school, immediately we got to the school entrance, my daughter started crying because she's just started school three days ago and she's not used to it yet. I left her with her teacher and left the class. I felt so empty leaving the school and I kept asking myself what's wrong today, I checked my calender to know if my period is coming anytime soon maybe that's why I am having mood swings but that's not the case. I just feel really tired like I don't have strength to go on. I told myself I don't like this feeling, so I decided to go to church before going home. I love to be in church when no one is there, I love the peace and quietness, with all the little strength I have I walked to the altar and just lie there, I whisper to God, you need to help me

When talking to God I can be really vulnerable, as He knows all things and talking to Him helps me a lot. So I was there and having a conversation with my maker. I told Him how stressful it has been trying to combine motherhood with work and how I need His help. I heard him whisper back, I already helped you and I asked again but why does it feels so difficult? He said to me Temilade don't magnify your issues, give me thanks and watch everything turn around, my grace is sufficient for you immediately I felt an inner peace , like a big hug from someone and I knew at that moment God is with me and He will forever be with me. I wipe away my tears and headed home.

I needed to visit the veterinary hospital before going home as one of my dogs have not been eating for two days, it turns out she's just selecting food and nothing its wrong with her. The vet Doctor advise me to get her new food and surprisingly she eat all when I got home. I was happy about that.

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My dog Smart, eating his food, this was the only thing I took record of, as. I didn't plan to write any dairy today, I just needed to left my emotions out. I got home still feeling weak,i took water and just lie in my bed. I said to myself, I taught when she starts school it will get better but to every level their is bigger responsibility waiting for you. It doesnt really gets better you just continually develop capacities to manager every situation. I hope to develop capacities very soon. Shout out to every mothers out there that don't have it all figure out yet, we all need someone to lean onto, so lean on God, He will help you! Get help if you have to, always remember that you are not alone in this journey.

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Me lying on my bed with my conqueror T-shirt, screaming you got this pretty lady, you got it! To all mothers, I pray you get the strength from above days you don't feel like you can go on any more.
Amen.

cc:
@steemwomensclub
@svm038
@ngoenyi

With Love,
@peachyladiva

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Starting something new is not always that easy but You will actually get better with time.

All will be well.

Sure

Being a mother is not a day's job.
I have no child of my own but I have a lot of Experiences with my nibbles.
Sometimes I feel like running away.
Thanks for not shouting at her and I enjoyed reading through your blog.

It's not easy to be a woman, but we are strong set of human beings, our God is with us. So sorry about how you felt dear Sis, some days are like this. I hope you get better soon!

Hello @peachyladiva, your post has been supported by @ngoenyi, a country representative from Nigeria. Keep being active

Hello there!
We are making a team for the curation team, if you are interested to work with us as a team member it would be great.
Contact me on discord if you are willing to join.
Discord : janemorane 🧚🏻♀#6505