I really want to hear myself think these days especially as the story I have been telling myself is not playing out exactly the way I wanted it.
Life is a story
Every aspect of it is a story and has always been. I'm not trying to fix the story these days as much as I use to. I just watch them fall apart...I have high hope for friction holding the glass cup as it slips across the table, I really believe in the tension on the last thread holding the fruit as it drops to the ground.
Maybe the glass will break into more pieces and become sand's silicon once again or the fruit will die and be buried and come back to life once again.
It is the Buddhist doctoring that life is suffering and all beings go through suffering. I suffer, but sometimes it's from my bad choices, from my mistakes, from my selfishness, from my greed.
But is that reason to not save me or try at least to make some sense of the situation I find myself in?
How I feel
When will I realize that you can't trust my emotions? When will I realize that the world put ideas in my head that are not realistic? I just want to be me, but it seems outdated every time I try. The people who are hurt by my choices the most are those who choose to love me for me. The me that I can be...who is kind, thoughtful, and loving.
This is where I get to know all the things I am not and all the things that could destroy me and make me better. How am I the advice of those who don't really care?